Pain

Pain-highly unpleasant physical sensation caused by illness or injury / mental suffering or distress.

The meaning above as per the Google is a typical description of the word pain. The neural signals sent by the pain receptors under our skins that transmit the signal to our brain with the speed of light to activate our impulse when pricked, cut or burnt whatever the case may be. Believe me it is one of the fastest information delivery mode mankind has ever encountered.

But this is not the case with the emotional pain. It starts with a setback least expected and most of all least expected by people who are our light bearers. It all starts with you think this is a usual misalignment of the thought processes. But gradually you realize that this isn’t the usual disagreement in the relations. You come home and you find the place one day before you called the home has suddenly converted to a structure of bricks and mortar. It is full of materialistic objects required to live in the modern world. But you find the soul of the house is missing. There is an utter silence is louder than the cacophony of the surroundings.

You suddenly feel your heart shrinking, no idea what has happened. The daily time table you followed is just scrapped. You find loneliness has started to grab you from all over. You go into the kitchen to make some tea but you find the tea doesn’t taste the same. The experimental pancakes, penne white pasta were the best you have ever tasted. You drop down on your knees try to hold on your emotions and try to understand the void. It all seems like something is burning and running through your veins. You want to think with brain but no, the brain doesn’t bother. He says your problem heart, you deal. It feels like someone has opened up your chest cavity by stabbing and you feel someone is pulling out your heart. You seem helpless. You are not able to catch-up your breath, but you are alive. You see your heart getting pulled out of your body.

That devious  void pulls you down. You want to sleep but you can’t. Suddenly your carefree sleep (which was because of them) vanishes and you become sleep deprived. Even if you try to get some you get awake in the middle of the night consoling yourself that “This can’t be true. Even in my worst nightmares”. Your little or big dreams for the future all seems to be erased. You want to call them, text them, meet them and do whatever in the hell to just to make all things right and have them in your life but all that effort seems to be just like you are pulling a gigantic cruise liner with a rope.

You try to divert your mind, try to adapt, try to start a hobby basically you try to become someone that you are not. It grinds you mentally pulls down all the strings of your productivity and most of all your moral and self confidence. Your real side, what you are, only they know, that’s what brought you together. But all the love, compassion, companionship, dedication seems to be doomed in front of you for  your one mistake or stupidity. But what most important is if you have already adopted to your stupidity the love in you share takes care of rest.

In all of this where does all of the fastest information delivery fails to operate as if there is a traffic jam. Mystery for me to understand but the pain is, Pain.

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